I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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