Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
