So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
