This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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