I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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