You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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