His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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