He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
