Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
