He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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