Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
