i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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