But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
