I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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