im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
