It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
