so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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