just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
