i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
