I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
