pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
