So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Pooping to opera.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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