I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
