the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
