I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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