It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
