apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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