you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Green mimosas i think yes
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
