There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dicks are not precious.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
