Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
