my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
