I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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