i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
