Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
sarcasm needs its own font
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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