did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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