I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
