things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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