Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
