Just fell off a train. Bad.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
