Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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