i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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