I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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