Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
