So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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