Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
