Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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