It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Can you bring me the toilet please
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
