you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
