I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
