My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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